


Rubber Chicken

by SuchaHag



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Sex Education, sansan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2019-03-06 13:11:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13411959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuchaHag/pseuds/SuchaHag
Summary: Modern AU. Sandor is Sansa’s biology teacher and has to do the Sex-Ed class. Sansa is in the last year of school. Bonus points if one them is massively attracted to the other one and finds this terribly embarrassing! 🍆





	Rubber Chicken

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.  
> This is un-beta'd please excuse any typos.  
> All characters belong to GRRM
> 
> Sansa is aged up, and Sandor down

**Sandor**

Sandor knew staying in his hometown to go to King's Landing University was a stupid idea. After reading the email that his Student Advisor just sent him, that stupidity was confirmed. It was just his second year of studying to be a Phys Ed teacher and he was summoned to act as a substitute teacher at his old high school. Even though being a substitute was nothing more than being a glorified babysitter, he couldn't help to feel nervous. He was subbing a 4th year health class full of Seniors, most of them only two years younger than him and many he may know personally. He wasn't able to get a class list, but a syllabus from the teacher would be coming within a few minutes so he could prepare if needed.

15 minutes later he pushed himself back from his desk, cursing loudly. A sex ed segment for Seniors in high school at the end of the year?! Some of those students were adults already! He pushed his hands through his hair in anguish, this was going to be motifying. He called his Advisor to tell him of his dilemma and plead his case. His Advisor was no help to his cause, he thought it would be a good experience; especially with how to deal with surprises. Sandor groaned as he looked at the syllabus. The mechanics were covered in earlier years, all he was supposed to be covering safe use of birth control to the class. He scoured the KLU resource database for ideas... movies... coloring pages… puppets… flipbooks... anything where he can get the point across with as little speaking as possible. Using the bullet points on the syllabus as a checklist, he started going through what he was going to teach. He was supposed to run down the different methods of birth control, that was easy - there was actually an informative video that wasn't too glowingly embarrassing. He found the download and loaded that onto a thumb drive. Next, local resources for the different methods of birth control... also easy, he printed off an appropriate reference sheet for the school office to make copies for him tomorrow. Then he went to the last bullet point and nearly choked. Condom demonstration. He remembered that when he was a Senior in high school, no one paid attention. Everyone just made rude remarks and laughed as the instructor fumbled over a plastic model of a penis and a pile of condoms on the desk. Sandor put his head down and started banging it softly on his table. He had been at KLU for 2 years... he could quit now... he didn't need a career... he could find an old blind woman to be his sugar momma, one that didn't care about his scars. He could panhandle on Kings Road. ANYTHING but this. He sat there for a few moments and then shook his head, Sandor Clegane was not a coward. He wasn't going to let a stack of condoms and a rubber dick scare him away! He could do this. Right? He went back to his computer to do a little more research, there had to be a way to make this easier.

The next morning he walked into the classroom early, he had his handouts, he had his thumb drive for his movie and he had his tote bag filled with condom demo supplies. It was 10 minutes to class time so he set about getting the movie ready on his laptop and checked the bag for the millionth time. He pulled his hair over the scars that covered his face, sat down nervously twisted his fingers together and stared at the door. The bell rang and he nearly jumped out of the skin, it was time. He could do this! He reached into his cooler and took out a bottle of Pepto Bismol, took a long pull and put it back, wiping his mouth. The kids started coming in and he was glad that even though he recognized few of them he didn't personally know anyone, that is until he saw a flash of long red hair. _Oh fuck me running_ , he groaned inside his head, _it's Sansa fucking Stark!_ From that moment on he was terrified.

 

**Sansa**

Sansa was laughing with her friends at lunch over the fact that Seniors still had to take sex ed class. 90% of the kids were in the position to teach that class by Senior year. Even though Sansa’s experience was limited, she still felt that was ridiculous to learn about birth control and safe sex techniques when she was an adult. She may have just recently turned 18 but she was still considered an adult now. She heard from Margaery that there was going to be a sub today. It didn't surprise her, Mr. Tarly always seemed to be absent during sex education segments. She walked into the classroom and went straight to her seat. When she sat down and looked up, her gasp was audible.

That was Sandor Clegane at the front of the class. Sandor fucking Clegane, she's had a crush on him since her sophomore year. What in the seven Hells was he doing in this classroom? Last she knew he was still in town going to University to become a Phys Ed teacher. Although it was common for Phys Ed teachers to cross into health class, she was aghast that they let him him come to a school that he very recently formerly attended. She was not only mortified for herself, she was mortified for him. He had his head down as he was scrutinizing a piece of paper, his hair was pulled forward to cover most of his face. He glanced up and looked at her. At that very instant she turned beet red. He quickly looked back down. This was going to be the longest class ever.

 

**Sandor**

_Oh shit, of course the second I look up she looks up at the same time._ He's had a crush on her for two years. How the hell was he going to get through this class? It was bad enough he had to teach a group of upperclassmen how to put a condom on, but now she was one of them. He prayed for a natural disaster: a tornado to pick him up and whip him across the parking lot, an earthquake - a giant crack to open up in the floor so that he can plummet down into nothingness, anything! It would be better than watching her slide a condom on one of the bananas he brought to use instead of a rubber penis. Thank the Gods he found that tip online, that way all the students could practice together on something that wasn't quite so anatomically correct. He thought he was in the clear until he saw her. Just then the bell rang. It was time to begin.

 

**Sansa**

Sandor was doing pretty good. First a very brief introduction and then he dimmed the lights for a video outlining the various forms of birth control in a straightforward manner. She looked over towards the desk where he sat. Wait. Was he looking at her? She turned her head a bit more to get a better look. But now he seemed to be really engrossed in a bit of lint on his sleeve at that point. Something was fishy, she knew he was looking at her before. She knew he was familiar with who she was, for the last two years he seemed to end up in the same places that she was, much to her delight. Then a thought creeped into her head as she forced herself to stare at the screen. Could he like her? She knew outside of his gruff reputation, he was actually pretty shy. She tilted her head forward to make a curtain of hair over her face and she looked at his desk again. His chin rested on his palm, elbow on the desk - he was staring at her again. He had a far away look in his eyes and a slight grin. Seven Hells! Her heart fluttered and her stomach flipped. He did like her, she was sure now. Fuck. What was she going to do now?! She could try flirting, that should work on a college man.

 

**Sandor**

Even though he chose the longest video he could find, it seemed to be over much too soon. He turned up the lights and attempted a smile, but it just came off as a pained grimace, the scar on his face twisting under his curtain of hair. He took a deep breath and pressed on. “Does anyone have any questions?”

Sansa raised her hand. _Seven Hells? Really?!_ He nodded to her.

“So, in your experience, which would you say is the best birth control?” He stared at her with his mouth hanging open. She smiled sweetly at him, but he could see the blush creeping up her neck.

“Uhhhh….” he croaked, mouth suddenly dry. “It uh... depends on personal preference, everyone has different reasons for uh... choosing their preferred method. But, it is important to discuss with your partner.” He gulped, dodged a bullet! “Any other questions?” The class wasn't even paying attention. Well, Sansa was...it was unreal. Her blue eyes were following his every move. “Ok, this handout is a sheet of local resources to help you find various types of birth control.” He gave each row a small stack of papers to pass back. He went over the sheet with the class and then he knew it was go time. “Sooooo” he attempted to make light of what was coming, “its demo time.” Some kids laughed softly, some looked down and shifted in their seats. He didn't DARE look at Sansa. “I'm going to do this differently though. There will be no singular model, if I recall he was nicknamed “Richard” by some former students.” He left out that fact that it was he and Bronn that did that. The laughter rippled through the room again, the tension leaving the room. Sandor tried to stay in full teacher mode. He reached for his tote. He handed a bunch of bananas to the first person in each row, “Take one and pass them back.” Soon everyone had a banana. Some students started making obscene gestures with them. “Come on, knock it off” he growled. His reached into his tote again and pulled out a variety of condoms and proceeded to pass them out. “Don't open them yet, wait until I tell you first." he looked around and groaned inwardly when he saw Sansa. Of COURSE she had the Magnum XL condom. If he can get through this without dying or getting hard, he was buying that leather jacket that he had his eye on. He stood behind the desk and picked up the banana, “All right. First you need open the packet and pull the condom out. Once it's out, place it over the tip like this” he put the condom loosely on top of the banana and pinched the reservoir tip “pinch here to make sure you don't stretch this over with the rest of the condom, it needs to be a bit loose at the top.”

“Why?” A male voiced snickered.

Sandor swallowed hard “The semen needs a place to go, if it's tight - the condom will break. That means your chance of buying diapers just went up.” He said, matter of factly. Now they were paying attention! “Once you have that part ready, you just roll the condom down. It should be snug...but not too tight and definitely not too loose. Any questions before you start?” Sansa raised her hand. _My fucking Gods...really_? He coughed and nodded to her “Sansa?”

“Sooo how you do know if you need an extra large condom? She looked right at him and arched an eyebrow while holding the Magnum between her fingers, rubbing it. No leather jacket for him.

“Trial and error.” He squeaked out. He took a long drink of water that was on his desk. “Ok class, protect your bananas!” Several students giggled at the quip and the sound of ripping packets filled the room. After a few moments he gave the students work a cursory glance. Sandor was convinced his class was not in danger of unwanted pregnancy. “Alright, now we learn how take it off. Believe it or not this is just as important as putting it on properly.” After he did it to his, the class followed suit. Soon the condoms were off and the class garbage can was passed down the line to throw them and the wrappers away.

“What about the bananas?” A student called out.

“Eat them or pitch them. But they are not leaving this room.” Most of the students gladly started peeling their bananas.

 

**Sansa**

_Now's my chance! Time to impress,_ she thought slyly. She peeled the banana slowly, staring at Sandor. She knew he was watching her from behind the hair that he pushed forward. She slid the banana between her lips, and continued pushing it in. Unfortunately, she miscalculated and she gagged loudly. Sandor jumped up. “Sansa are you ok?” She was rendered speechless because he was sporting a hard-on that was tenting his khakis. He followed her gaze and quickly sat down holding his head in his hands. Thankfully everyone had turned to look at Sansa so nobody noticed. She coughed and decided to throw the offending fruit away. This was not going quite as planned.

 

**Sandor**

The bell rang then and he wanted to sob with relief. The classroom quickly emptied. Thank the Gods! This nightmare was over. He was calling his Advisor asap to tell him NEVER again at his old school. NEVER again as a sub, not until he was at least a student teacher. He may have survived this, but at what cost? He humiliated himself in front of the only girl he ever thought he had a chance with. Now school will be over in a week and who knows where she’ll go. He sighed, gathered his stuff and made his way to his car. School had let out at that time and he walked slowly through the crush of students pouring out of the building. He thought he saw a flash of red hair, but pushed it from his mind. She wasn't the only redhead at KL High. He finally made it to his car in the faculty lot. As he approached, he saw a half folded piece of paper under his windshield wiper. He looked around and grabbed it before getting into his car.

“Sandor - text me when school lets out for the year next Friday. xxx Sansa”

He stared at the note and the number she included. He pulled out his phone and entered it right away so he would not lose it. He then put the note in his glove box. He started his car and sat for a moment with a smile creeping onto his face, what a great day. He loved subbing!


End file.
